Healthy Relations

A healthy friendship or relationship is supposed to make you feel good and bring out the best in you. It does not mean it needs to be “perfect” but it is not supposed to bring you down or make you feel bad about yourself. The good should outweigh the bad.

Below are some signs to look out for if your in a healthy or unhealthy relation.

1. It is important that the relationship moves at a comfortable pace that you are both happy with. In a healthy relationship you are not pressured or overwhelmed by the pace.

2. You should be able to trust that your friend or partner would not do anything to hurt you. Trust comes easily in healthy relations and doesn’t make you question their intentions towards you.

3. In a healthy relation you should be able to be honest and share the truth regarding your feelings with out becoming angry at one another. Being honest prevents you from having to hide things. 

4. A healthy relation involves being independent of one another. You are allowed to spend time with others and be involved in activities alone. 

5. A healthy relation is respectful of each others boundaries. They should cheer for you, appreciate you, and support you.

6. The relation should feel equal. Both individuals should be making an effort for the relation.

7. A healthy relation shows kindness to one another. They show that they care for you and the things that your interested in.

8. You take responsibility for your words and actions even if it was a mistake and strive to make the relation better.

9. Everyone has disagreements but the way you handle those disagreements speaks volumes. Healthy conflict means addressing the issues in a positive manner so that you can continue a healthy relation.

10. A healthy relationship is fun! You do things you both enjoy and have fun doing it.

1. A relation might be too intense if you are feeling overwhelmed by their expression of feelings towards you. This can include feeling like the relationship is going too fast, you may be being pressured or they may be obsessive over you that’s making you feel so overwhelmed and uncomfortable.

2. Possessiveness happens when someone is jealous and tries to control the things that you do and the people that you see. The person ends up lashing out on you with the means to control you.

3. You know you are being manipulated when someone is trying to deliberately convince you to do things that you are not comfortable with and influence your feelings. They will also ignore you until they get their way.

4. An individual tries to isolate you by making you choose between them and your friends and family. It can get to the point where you are dependent on that person because they have convinced you that they are the only one you need.

5. It is unhealthy when someone sabotages you and intentionally keeps you from doing things you need to do such as commitments such as work, sports, school, etc. These actions will likely ruin those opportunities. They may start rumours, talk behind your back, or threaten to expose you in any way.

6. It is unhealthy for a person to belittle you. They may do things and says things that make you feel bad about yourself. It might be played off as a joke but still has effects on your self-esteem.

7. It is unhealthy for someone guilt you over things you have no control over so that you will feel bad for them. This can include threatening to hurt themselves or others if you don’t want to be with them or they may pressure you to do something you don’t want to stating that your hurting them if you do not.

8. Someone is volatile if you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them to keep the peace. They may overreact to small things, get violent or threaten you.

9. It is unhealthy when someone constantly makes excuses for their behaviour and blames you or others for their actions.

10. It is unhealthy for someone to be disloyal to you and act in a dishonest way. This can include lying, excluding you, being two-faced, or cheating on you.

The end of a relationship or friendship hurts even if you were the one to end it. You may feel sad, angry, confused, or a mixture of feelings.

Here are some tips on how to take care of yourself after a “break-up”.

1. Be patient. It takes time to grieve. You may feel bad now but you will feel better in time.

2. Do not blame yourself. Feelings change and you are capable of making new friends or beginning a new relationship.

3. When your ready find ways to strengthen new friendships or relationship. Sometimes when a relation ends it opens the door to new and beautiful relations.

4. Remember that you are growing as an individual and that you are learning as you go. You have your whole life ahead of you.

5. Do something you enjoy doing to help keep your mind off it.

6. Let it out and cry if you need to. Releasing your feelings instead of bottling them up does more positive than negative.

7. Talk about it to others or a help line.

8. If you ended a relationship try to stay single for awhile. It helps to focus on grieving and yourself before entering a new one.